interesting story plot. a bit promiscuous.
i think it could go far personally, too bad i can't draw people all that well, yet. maybe i'll submit some work anyways

P.S. this is your story and you don't have to listen to me, but Jay's character seems a bit off. she will steal money from a good friend's wallet and was excepted into a space academy, but is so naieve as to not expect what Devlyn wants when he takes her back to his apartment and asks her to come up. in another point i feel that the wole scene between those two at the end was a bit...melodramatic, like in a soap opera, i think you should consider revision. unless of course you plan to take that somewhere...

And a side note that really isn't that relevent; men do have a biological need to have sex. it's hardwired into every species to procreate.